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How to Absolutely Most Positively Definitely and Unequivocally Rank #1 on Google

Last Updated on March 12, 2018

How would you like to wake up on a Monday morning, turn on the news, and hear:

“Monday has been cancelled. Go back to sleep.”?

Hold on; I need a minute to savor the moment.

…OK, back to reality.

Since I had nothing important to say this morning, I thought I’d try to at least make our Monday a bit less miserable.

Take a look at this:

And if you have nothing better to do till next Monday, here are directions on How to Create a Matt Cutts Google Mash up Video from Sam Applegate, the creator of the video above.

On the other hand, his video did collect close to 70K views and counting, so spending the next few days working on your own video mashup might not be such a bad idea after all.

How to Get Traffic to Your Blog

The video above is the perfect example of a traffic snowball.

Here’s how I got to learn about Sam Applegate this morning:

1.   Corky Swanson leaves a comment

Last night, Corky Swanson left a comment on Kiesha Easley’s guest post on how to improve your Alexa ranking:

commentluv traffic

I noticed his CommentLuv link and decided to check it out.

Yep, the power of eye-catching blog post title at work.

2.   Corky leads me to his source.

In his post, Corky gave credit to the blog he found the video at - James Hussey’s Average Genius (happens to be one of my favorite blogs to read as well).

And so I got to read James’ great 3 Part Strategy on the Penguin Update Recovery (Part 2) Income Diversification.

3.   James leads me to his source.

Then I ended up on YouTube to see who made the original video.

After all, it’s not every day someone comes up with a brilliant idea I wish I thought of.

I take it back: it happens every day.

4.   Ana “meets” Sam Applegate.

And here I am, at Sam Applegate’s UK SEO blog.

So far, I like what I see, so I am going to go back to check out some of his posts right after I publish this one.

Of course, I’ll also let him know that I mentioned his on my blog and who knows, he might come back here, like what he sees, mentions me on his blog or to his followers…

Marketing Takeaway

Truth is I have no idea how most of my readers find me.

Whether it’s Google organic traffic (thanks for the solid SEO advice, Matt Cutts!), guest posting, or as simple as leaving a relevant and catchy CommentLuv link in a comment - it all matters.

Speaking of CommentLuv, by the way, if you’ve been thinking of getting the Premium version to help you increase traffic to YOUR blog, hold your horses.

CommentLuv Premium waitImage source

CommentLuv Premium anniversary is coming up, which means that you should be able to snatch it up for a song.

Take a look at this video for details and sign up for the waiting list to get it at the lowest price:

CommentLuv premium videoWhy pay more than you have to, right?

Click on this link to pay less now

 

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66 Intelligent comments · espresso yours below

  1. Margarita says

    October 22, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Ana,

    great video about raising above the noise. When you scratch the surface, people pay attention. This is huge. The moral of the story is to be unique and dare to show it.

    Blessings and thank you!

  2. Jeff Emmerson says

    October 3, 2012 at 3:21 am

    Comment Luv is awesome! I just added it to my own blog, and it really helps legit bloggers like ourselves network with one another, I find.

    Another awesome article on the ever-changing SEO landscape….cue the dramatic violin music….

  3. Dewane Mutunga says

    August 25, 2012 at 11:41 am

    We witness the power of video everyday, yet the majority of us fail to make the type of videos that attract tons of eyeballs. Yes, I’m a part of that “us”.

    I neglect to get into video for the longest time, but more recently after some verbal shoving from my good friend and video expert Monique Johnson, I jumped all the way in on video.

    While I have yet to receive a traffic avalanche from my videos, I’m getting more skilled and comfortable with making them, which will drastically improve my chances of crafting something that goes viral.

    Nice example here, one we all need to take heed to. Thanks!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 25, 2012 at 4:44 pm

      I am also a part of “us”, Dewane - I know video works, but still don’t take the time to make more of them and/or improve on making better ones.

  4. Richard says

    August 25, 2012 at 11:22 am

    To rank #1 you do some outrageous post titled “How to Absolutely Most Positively Definitely and Unequivocally Rank #1 on Google”
    with some iffy video with it?
    C’mon you gotta be kidding!
    Nice try Ana but I know you can do better 🙂

  5. Erick Trejo says

    August 22, 2012 at 11:10 am

    Haha, funny video… Wowww! I can’t imagine if my blog could some day appear in first position of Google with a very searched keyword. The thing is that obviously is possible but the way to reach that is not easy. It requires work, time and effort. Thanks for this information

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 22, 2012 at 9:30 pm

      Someone has to be #1; why not you?

  6. Jeannette says

    August 21, 2012 at 7:31 am

    This video is so hillarious that I’ve embbeded it to my websites,tweeted it and I added it to my facebook timeline; something I had never done before. How do I learn to make videos like that?

    Thanks!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 22, 2012 at 8:36 am

      There’s a link in the post to how to make videos like that, Jeannette.

  7. Harish st says

    August 21, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Hi Ana,
    I am Harish and I am glad to see this post.
    It’s give a lot fun also.
    I am not a professional blogger. I just start my blog.
    I don’t know about the blogging tips and traffic etc….
    Now, it’s really interesting to read your tips.
    Best of luck for you .
    Thanks…

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 22, 2012 at 8:35 am

      Thanks for coming by, Harish.

  8. Roland says

    August 19, 2012 at 8:39 am

    LOL, “it’s definitely the case that you get a boost if you run AdSense.” If only that joke was really a joke. I’ve seen a few sites that may have actually been close to that 77% density ranking decently, and they were nothing but paid ads.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 19, 2012 at 9:20 pm

      That’s definitely true, Roland - I am sure we all have seen a fair share of those kinds of websites.

  9. Lucas says

    August 12, 2012 at 9:50 am

    Hi Ana,
    I’m one of them! The mysterious new visitors to your interesting cafe. The awesome Matt Cutts mashable you put up for some reason let me to you and I definitely like what I see! Thanks. Bookmarked, signed up and exploring for more!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 12, 2012 at 10:13 pm

      I suppose Matt Cutts finally did something right, Lucas - brought you to my Cafe! Welcome.

  10. Suzanne says

    August 11, 2012 at 1:18 pm

    Hi Ana,
    I was not expecting that to be so funny. I burst out laughing. I’m sure my neighbors think I’m bonkers. He sure says “ummm” a lot.
    Suzanne

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 12, 2012 at 10:09 pm

      He surely does, Suzanne, doesn’t he? 😉

  11. Chetan says

    August 10, 2012 at 9:51 am

    Hey Ana,

    Nice to see you add some flavor to the cafe! I was wondering when you will post an article that covers how you recovered from panda/penguin & got back all the traffic lost. I am sure there are bunch of people like me who have been slapped & have lost all traffic due to the updates. I would appreciate if you can shed some light on this particular topic in DETAIL!

    Best Wishes,

    Chet

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 11, 2012 at 4:22 pm

      I am working on it, Chet - still doing some research and planning on putting it all together in an ebook.

      • Chetan says

        August 12, 2012 at 12:10 am

        Thanks Ana for the quick update. I really look forward to your e-book as it is a frustrating time for me right now. I appreciate you taking the time to reply to my comment.

        Thanks again,

        Chet

  12. Sam Applegate says

    August 9, 2012 at 12:09 pm

    Thanks Ana and guys for all the kind words . So happy that people are still enjoying this mashup.

    For the record, Matt has seen it. I think they even used it at one of their search marketing expos!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 9, 2012 at 2:04 pm

      I’d say your three days of work are definitely paying off, Sam.

      Thanks for the great material for the post and for coming by.

  13. Glen says

    August 8, 2012 at 8:53 pm

    hahahahahaha uhm uhm hahahahhaa.. that was totally funny! I wonder if Matt Cutts have seen this compiled video. Link to porn sites? LOL. This made my day, Thanks Ana!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 10:08 pm

      You got me thinking, Glen… So I sent Matt a tweet; see if he responds (I doubt it).

  14. Aditya says

    August 8, 2012 at 6:29 am

    To say everything without uttering a word is what i would say here(although you have said a lot) 🙂
    Monday is the day i wish will never come in my life but if it happens i can’t do the things i supposed to on Monday.Everyday has its own importance for sure otherwise one will get bored if there is only a single day.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 8:35 pm

      Very true, Aditya -every day has its own ups and downs.

  15. Alan Chatfield says

    August 8, 2012 at 6:12 am

    Darn, Ana - I thought you were going to tell me how to Absolutely Most Positively Definitely and Unequivocally Rank #1 on Google.

    Seriously, I loved this post, lots of fun - from time to time I think we need posts like this which even though you claim you don’t have anything to say was still an interesting post (which still had a good little lesson: It’s worth having compelling commentluv links ;-)).

    Now I’m off to implement all of the advice Matt gives here…

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:58 am

      Oh, you thought I’d give out THAT kind of advice, Alan?… No, I keep it all to myself… 😉

      And make sure you get your keyword density to 76.99% exactly; I heard 77% doesn’t work as well.

  16. Sheila says

    August 8, 2012 at 1:55 am

    After reading James story it gives me new inspiration…thanks for the link. It is so easy to get discouraged and depressed doing what we do and anything that helps us charge forward is much appreciated!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:53 am

      He is definitely a great example of what’s possible, Sheila.

  17. Danielle Parsons says

    August 7, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    Hello Ana,

    I almost fell out of my chair laughing! I was wondering why you would share about linking to porn sites. Is it just me or is Matt Cutts putting on some weight? Maybe he will read my weight loss blog page in the future!

    I have some Comment Luv premium customers waiting for the sale day to get here. Glad I can offer them the lower price! The more bloggers we get on the internet that use Comment Luv, the higher our sites will rank for traffic and in SEO.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:52 am

      Thinner hair, a little heavier around the waist… we are not getting any younger, are we?

      I am excited about the sale as well; great way to get an awesome plugin for a song.

  18. Mike Howg says

    August 7, 2012 at 5:56 pm

    LOL! That video was very funny. Thanks a lot Ana. I might have to try a mashup video for my blog.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 10:00 am

      You are welcome, Mike.

  19. Richard Brokenshire says

    August 7, 2012 at 2:36 pm

    Thanks Ana, that was fun … nice break to the regular work of blogging! I thought his shirts were pretty snazzy and they almost fit for the most part. It’s amazing what all that Google money will buy, huh? Oops, I forgot to say … um.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:50 am

      Hmmm, Richard… thanks for coming by. 🙂

  20. Jason Mathes says

    August 7, 2012 at 1:33 pm

    Ana, I thought you were nuts for sending me that email! But it got me here. Great advice as always. I try and make sure to reference wherever I received my information from as well as the “root source” (youtube etc..)

    It always pay to give credit where credit is due. And now… off to YouTube to check out this webmaster dood to see if he makes any sense 🙂

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:49 am

      It does pay off to give back, Jason - glad you came by!

  21. Mariella Lombardi says

    August 7, 2012 at 11:35 am

    That was very funny, Ana. I have to admit that Mondays don’t matter that much since I started working from home. But I did like the part about having adolescent kids, so true…

    Mariella

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:45 am

      I definitely feel “Thank God it’s Monday!” on Mondays, Mariella. lol

  22. Joe Helms says

    August 7, 2012 at 10:41 am

    I loved the part after he reads the question at the beginning: “… on what basis are the results ranked?”

    His first line, “Wow, really good question, I don’t think anyone’s asked me that before!” sounds like he’s being so sarcastic. As if he isn’t asked that same question about twenty times a day.

    Or at least it did the first time I watched it.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 8:46 pm

      Most of this video is intended to be a somewhat friendly poke at Matt Cutts, Joe.

      • Joe Helms says

        August 9, 2012 at 5:20 am

        Yeah, I realize it was a gentle poke at Cutts. Just something about how they put that together cracked me up.

        Which I’m sure was the intent, so I guess, good job on the guys who made it!

  23. Erik Emanuelli says

    August 7, 2012 at 10:17 am

    That was a fun video, absolutely! 🙂
    Question : What is the secret of ranking number 1 in Google?
    Answer : Hmm, Hmm, good question, hmmm, hmmm…
    😀

    Thanks Ana for sharing that!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:44 am

      lol, Erik; thanks for coming by.

  24. Ricky Shah says

    August 7, 2012 at 9:18 am

    Hilarious video. It reminds me some of the mashup video of Matt Cutts. I now came to know ‘how to rank one of Google by Matt Cutts’

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 8:47 pm

      Probably because it is a mashup video of Matt Cutts. 😉

  25. Rohit says

    August 7, 2012 at 7:30 am

    LOL! 😀
    “It would be helpful to users to link to porn sites”
    Hilarious. 😀

  26. Alex says

    August 7, 2012 at 1:13 am

    Super mash up Ana! I wonder if he chooses all those awful shirts himself?

    🙂

    I have a blog that’s just gone from 300 peeps a day to around 50 so I’d like to do some kind of mash up that’s for sure!

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:31 am

      He could definitely use some help in the fashion department, Alex. lol

      Sorry to hear about your traffic drop; radical drop needs a radical move to bring it back up!

  27. Corky Swanson says

    August 6, 2012 at 9:30 pm

    When Matt Cutts says “link to porn sites” the third time, that’s when I lose it. Do non-bloggers get this humor? Of course not. 77% keyword stuffing! Hilarious. My sense of humor is getting better as I learn about internal linking architecture and looking forward to the many droll remarks I will one day appreciate.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:30 am

      Going through some of the comments I got, I don’t think everybody gets it, Corky.

      Thanks for becoming my source for this post!

  28. Gabe Johansson says

    August 6, 2012 at 8:05 pm

    That video had me literally LOLing haha

    Gotta love what looks like a shopping list?

    Now I’ll be ranking in Google in no time! That’s pretty interesting marketing though and it seems to work well!

    Oh and love your signoff “Drinking lots of coffee”!

    Thanks,
    -Gabe

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:24 am

      With this precise ranking recipe, I’ll definitely beat you to it, Gabe. lol

      Off to refill my coffee…

  29. Dan Norris says

    August 6, 2012 at 7:23 pm

    That’s classic, I’m stuffing my site with keywords right now.

    And I’m taking your advice and commenting on your post although I suck at titles - it’s always a struggle between something catchy and something that matches a keyword people search for.

    Plus there’s a certain amount of creativity required to make ‘podcasting statistics’ sexy that I clearly do not possess.

    🙂

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 8, 2012 at 9:23 am

      “How to Become the Bloodhound of Podcasting Stats”? lol

  30. Theodore.N says

    August 6, 2012 at 5:22 pm

    Monday is like a math problem: take the irritation, subtract the sleep, multiply the problems, divide the happiness Hmmm you seem to be a good mathematician….lol. Just watched the video above and i must confess that its awesome. Going to apply what i learnt ASAP.

    Thanks for sharing Sweet Heart….(Just a Joke)…..I’m always proud of you..

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 6, 2012 at 6:37 pm

      Thanks for coming by, Theodore; glad I could brighten up your Monday.

  31. Mohamed Anan says

    August 6, 2012 at 3:00 pm

    LOL I can’t believe that I didn’t think of this before. Makes an absolute sense! Porn FTW LOL

    Thank you Ana and Kudos to Sam for this Tremendous effort.

    -Mohamed

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      Sam really did a great job, Mohamed; I can’t imagine having the patience to do something like this.

  32. DiTesco says

    August 6, 2012 at 2:17 pm

    Now I know why I am not ranking well for certain terms … not quite there yet on KW Density (about 76,99%) and definitely not linking to “authority” porn sites, lol. That was a fun video Ana… And kudos to Sam Applegate, must have taken an awful lot of work to put this up.

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 6, 2012 at 6:36 pm

      I need to remember to add these valuable tips to the ebook I am in the process of writing, Francisco. lol

      How many people would take this seriously though?

      • DiTesco says

        August 7, 2012 at 3:02 am

        LOL, I think that if you put it up in bold and use a strong color saying “THINGS TO AVOID” of not to do, then people will take it seriously. At least I hope they will 🙂

        BTW, when’s that eBook coming out. If you need an affiliate let me know 😉

        • Ana Hoffman says

          August 7, 2012 at 10:13 am

          Will do.

  33. Gerald Weber says

    August 6, 2012 at 2:05 pm

    I have seen some other similar extremely hilarious Matt Cutts mashups before. This one was pretty funny also. Love it when he says it would be helpful to users to link to porn sites. LOL

    • Ana Hoffman says

      August 6, 2012 at 6:33 pm

      And what if he wasn’t joking…? lol

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